Cake

Should she or shouldn't she. This is the debate raging in Gemma's head. Unreasonably loud and quite combative for an inside voice. Like two angry lawyers duking it out in between her ears. She tries to focus, tune into her rational self, the side of her that can big picture it, think of the long term effects. The sleepless nights, logey mornings, the bloating and gassiness, maybe even cramping and nausea. What fun. It's just a piece of cake. A quadruple decker strawberry shortcake with a cheesecake bottom drizzled in a caramel crunch with pirouline crackers on the side. Ridiculous, she knows this. She wouldn't have to eat it all; she could have a bite. Or two or five or who the hell is she kidding. Gemma would inhale it in one sitting. Unbuckle her belt, untuck her t shirt, lean back in her chair and let it all hang out. At what point did she become Homer Simpson, she wonders. Yet she can't say no. At least not without playing this scene out over and over in her head while the waiter hovers just out of her eyeline, waiting, playing on his restaurant issued iPad. It's just cake. Cake filled with wheat and gluten and sugar and dairy, all four no-no's on Gemma's elimination diet. According to the Naturopath she needs to pull out any and all of her possible triggers to figure out what is causing her flare ups. Translated in Gemma's head this means she's deprived of all satisfaction in life whatsoever. No deeply gratifying, soul encompassing, earth shattering, wrap your body up in goodness food for who knows how long. Granted the amount of pain and discomfort she is in on a daily basis is less and less tolerable by the moment. But the cake! Really, you should see this cake. A minute on the lips, a lifetime on the hips. More like 4 days of tethering herself to the toilet. Maybe just a bite. A forkful. It can't be that bad now, really. Really? 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Moving in Stasis

Go. Get on that plane, that train, that bus. Walk if you have to. Swim, we've got great lakes and oceans and rivers. So many bodies of water and tracts of land to get across. Find a way, they said, just get here, soon. And so Tally packed a bag with just the essentials: a blueberry corn muffin with a shmear of cream cheese, her well worn pocket stone she rubs in her left hand, a packet of mints from the drive in theatre, and two pineapple juice boxes. A clean pair of socks, some dental floss, mom's old cigarette lighter she stole off her bureau, and twenty three dollars and eighty five cents in change. That was the heaviest part of her backpack. She wondered if she was forgetting something but her mind raced with all the things at once. Will her shoes be comfortable on the long journey? Did she feed the cockatiel before she left the house? How can she get across the ocean if the boats aren't docking in the harbour anymore? What if she runs out of money? Will Joseph be
Read more

Kindness Is A Boomerang

If he can make it off the couch to the kitchen, then he'll be up and at 'em. Movement is motion and motion is energy and like a battery, he'll recharge. Feel better. Or different. Good enough. Long nights of hourly wake ups, followed by the struggle to quiet his mind. Loop, loop, looping through endless thoughts of what if and who will and I should and maybe they'll but just go to sleep. Sleep. No tech in his room, just sleep and sex. Although physical touch has been lacking. Wanting. Week seven, but who's counting.  And that's just sheltering in place. Before that, well...seasons. The sky is bright. City living with no light pollution is like life at the cottage on Lac St Joseph. There are meteors tonight, a shower or falling or maybe it's his brain playing tricks on his eyes. Looking for things  he can't possibly see. Four missed calls. Thirteen notifications. No one he's pining for so it's a wash. Is it too late to get up... too early
Read more

Good, Not Great

She hits the down button. Two hospital admin types, young women in almost stylish outfits, the ones afforded on entry level salaries, wait on a car going up. The elevator arrives, doors open, she steps on then realizes she's going up. Force of habit, she says aloud to no one in particular, pavlovian response. The two women sort of smile as they study the floor, suddenly intensely awkward and private. She gets louder as she backs out of the car. Doors close and she hovers her finger over the already illuminated down button. Right, just did that. It's quiet here, far from the madding crowd. Emerg was busy, mainly the geriatric crew. A few indigent and drunk and disorderlies draped over chairs, hanging out of gurneys, buried under sheets and gowns, moaning, rambling incoherently. It's the large-and-in-charge paramedic night: 4 teams of doughy young men stand sentinel with their wards, buried in paperwork, bored with the hurry and up wait logjam of daily deliveries.
Read more