The Negotiation, or Talking To The Dog

Stop it, stop it, just stop it. I can't get anything done when you're climbing all over me. Jeez, for real, you know, just like, gimme a minute. Man. Look, I'm sorry- I don't wanna be rude but come on now, settle down. It's like the minute I get home you're all over me like white on rice. I can't think straight, my head is swimming with everything coming at me. Just. Settle. Down.
Yeah, alright, ok, I'm sorry. I just need a minute, alright? Lemme take my coat off for cryin out loud, put my feet up for a sec then I can focus on you. I'm tired too, buddy, it's been a long day; I just need some space and then I can give you all the attention you need. Just five minutes of my own though, got it?  Here, look. This is how it's gonna be. I'm walking away, got it? Goin to the bathroom, gonna take a quick shower, rinse off the day. I know, I know...maybe ten, then. You can handle ten more minutes, right? What do you want me to do, huh? You want me to sit here in my own filth, stinking up the joint. No, you don't, I know you don't so I'm just gonna head down the hall, that's right, down the hall, and you're gonna stay here, that's it, sit, sit right here and settle down. I'll get your dinner when I'm getting mine, but first- hey. Hey now, ok. Alright. Ok, here- look, see? What's that, huh? It's a cookie, that's right, it's a cookie, have a cookie, go and lie down and have a cookie and I'm gonna take you out when I'm cleaned up and you can go crazy all over me, alright? I'm gonna run you ragged and you can roll around in whatever you please but -hey! Settle. Down. Alright? Alright. Good boy, now that's a good boy. You just settle down and be a good boy.

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