The Waiting Game

It's a waiting game. She's made it through the first phase. Apparently her results are "acceptable" to move onto Phase Two. Then there's Phase Three, but she's confused as to whether Two and Three will overlap or run sequentially. Either or, the faster the better. It's the not knowing; waiting to learn if her body is "acceptable" on all counts. Lyne asked her today to find out about a blood match- that way they can see if they're even compatible for donation but when Stevie inquired, her transplant co ordinator said it's actually a tissue match, only done once the rest of the tests are underway. Now she waits for a CT abdominal scan, chest xray, stress echocardiogram and a GFR, or renal scan. Then she moves onto a psych evaluation before meeting with the Nephrologist because they really want to make sure she's emotionally and psychologically stable enough to donate an organ. There are questions: What if something goes wrong? What if after all is said and done, Stevie's kidneys are inadequate or malfunctioning or just not the right size? What if everything is perfect physiologically but the tissue match is a failure? Or- and this is something her co ordinator has impressed upon her- what if after making a successful donation, her donated kidney fails for the recipient. How will she cope with that? Stevie stops for a moment. She doesn't think on that- it never crossed her mind. Once she decided to donate, her kidney no longer belonged to her. It was a vessel that could provide another human being with a new lease on life.  It's journey is unknown. She has untethered herself from the outcome. Her priority is to be a match for Lyne and if that fails, she's decided to become an anonymous donor. Somewhere out there, could be anywhere across the country, a man, woman or child will be living with her kidney. Doing pushups, eating ice cream, taking the dog for a walk. Loving, fighting, laughing, crying. But most importantly, living. Off dialysis, with a better quality of life, a second, maybe even a third or fourth chance. That's the goal. That's the hope. Until then, she waits. Hopeful, cautious but ready.