Fire and Wine

One by one they went away. She stopped reading his messages, left emails unopened, dumped files, deleted histories. Pictures, videos, playlists, all gone. Wipe the heart drive clean. It's taken months, almost a year, really. Now she doesn't roll over at 4 am half asleep and grab the phone charging on the shelf above her head. She's letting go by blowing things up. Just short of annihilating- it's not in her nature to leave without a trace. In this day and age she knows that's an impossibility. She will always exist in some form, some code, some file, texts, download, screen grabs, half opened bottle of hairspray in the corner of the back shelf. She's eradicated any visible trace of them together. Contact lists, addresses, important dates, favourite links, wish lists, all of it wiped clean. Slowly she's getting herself back. The coffee shop on 4th two blocks west of her, once their, apartment is returning to the rotation. As is the regular Wednesday night meeting on the west side, the dog park even without their dog, their favourite bottle of Zinfandel she drinks on her own now. She is reclaiming her city, her space, her world without him in it. Joel said it would take time; he was adamant she persevere, stay her course. Keira felt he was getting away too easily, sidestepping the re patterning she was forced to endure. Keep calm and carry on and try not to disappear. They had plans. A lifetime of plans. Gone in one fell swoop. A change of heart and she was left reeling, discombobulated by the news. How does one stop loving, just like that? Evidently they do. She thinks falling in love is a misnomer. There's nothing careless or random to it. You choose. It's an act of volition, with purpose and commitment. She's driving through while he turned off  miles behind her, leaving her buried amongst memories and shared experiences too painful to revisit and unpack right now. She's gathered up all the physical reminders and buried them in a box at the foot of the back porch beside the charcoal bar bq he left behind abandoned to rust in the elements. When the sun comes up and the trees are in bloom she'll make a fire and smoke him out.